Vaguely Vegan - Ditching Diabetes

So, it's now the week before my MOT at Harefield Hospital and I have just started recording my blood glucose results to take with me; I am hoping to see a change on the last time I did this.  For those of you who like numbers, consider these figures below.  

This first of set of glucose readings are my average results over a week, on my 'old/normal' diet.  

Before Breakfast: 8.8

2hrs After: 12.6 

Before Lunch: 9.5 

2 hrs After: 16.2 

Before Dinner: 10.1

2 hrs After: 15.4 

Bed Time: 13.2

The fasting glucose reading should be about 5 and healthy seems to be under 8, although if you are Diabetes Type Two, then up to 8.5 is acceptable.  You can see, they were all awful.

The second set of results are the average results over a week, after three weeks of being vegan - yes, the first two weeks were a bit hit and miss, but that was me getting used to things.

Before Breakfast: 5

2hrs After: 8.5

Before Lunch: 8

2 hrs After:14.3

Before Dinner: 8.2

2 hrs After: 10.8

Bed Time: 7.4

The lunch time spike happens six hours after I take my steroids (DAMN YOU PREDNISOLONE!).  I am not sure that I will ever be able to correct that, because I have to take the stuff, like it or not.  Back to yesterday's post; this is the point I tell myself that I like the drug as it supports my lungs - even if it makes my face puffy.

Anyway, just to prove that I am not completely barking mad and that this was not an idea I randomly plucked out the sky, here's a link to watch that explains the thinking behind my experiment - courtesy of a friend who messaged the video to me yesterday.  

http://www.myfoxhouston.com/Clip/10320937/correlation-between-meat-and-diabetes#.U7Mg1LbjYQ8.facebook

It was not this film which made me consider a dietary change, but I didn't want to bore you all to death with some of the things I have been reading.  In a nutshell; in some large-group studies it has been noted that people on high saturated fat diets (meats and dairy - not just meat as suggested in the video), who were already insulin resistant were more prone to Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and Kidney Disease.  I have all four; I ate meat and dairy products.  The people in the studies, who were placed on a plant-based diet, managed a significant improvement in their blood glucose results.  I am seeing an improvement in mine; I'll have to wait until next Thursday to see if the other results have improved - or not.

It's an American clip so that means it may not be what your doctor over here in Blighty would prescribe.  I am also not suggesting anyone changes their diet!  You have to eat what is right for your body, but I am fast coming round to the idea that as far as food is concerned, one size does not fit all, but I'll come back to that another day.

Finding My Donor Family III

I have to admit that since I posted my original note, that I have stalled in my quest.  This has been largely due to commitments at university and if I am honest with myself, I suspect that nothing more will now happen until August, when I am no longer bound by timetables, or deadlines.  And then I have days like today, where the enormity of the situation overtakes everything else in my head and I have to just stop what I am doing and shed a few tears.

I cry because he missed out and because his entire family missed out in watching him do, learn, explore, grow, change, develop.  I often wonder about the lad who saved my life.  He'd be 36 now, if the facts that I have are correct.  Would he have married?  What would he have done?  Was he a good kid? Was he a little monkey?  What happened to his best friends at school?  I know mine rallied  when my life support was nearly switched off - in fact their actions saved my life; I came round, out of a coma when mum repeatedly played the tape of them singing, laughing and talking which they'd sent to the hospital.

I cry because I can never make it right for that boy.  If a kid hurt themselves in the playground, I used to give them a hug and just be there for them; I can't do that for him.  I know absolutely it was not my fault that he died, but there is such a thing as survivors guilt.  I am alive, because he is not.  I just want to scoop him up, give him a big cuddle and tell him it will be alright.

I cry because next year I turn 40.  How on earth did I get to 40?  HOW?  It beggars belief that I am probably going to celebrate this milestone.  I am stunned.  Most people seem to run away from admitting they are THAT old - I'm running towards it, with my arms open wide, ready to embrace the next decade.  The fading looks, the increased wrinkles are minor details that really don't matter.  

I  AM GOING TO MAKE IT TO FORTY! 

I cry because I wonder if I have done enough.  Has my life been justification enough for that hellishly expensive operation and that lad's passing?  Have enough of my days counted?  Have I tried to do the right thing?  Have I been honest enough? Kind enough? Thoughtful enough?  Achieved enough?  Truthful enough? If I ever meet my donor mum, will I meet her expectations?  I have two lives for which to account; have my actions been the right ones?  Should I be a better person?

I cry because of the chances I have had, that would have been denied me, had I died back in 1988.  It so nearly wasn't my turn, but a twist of fate, or a stroke of luck, a guardian angel, or the devil watching over me - however you choose to phrase it - has granted me some of the most amazing experiences a person could wish to have.  I have never managed to work out whether I was the luckiest bugger alive, or if I have had the worst hand of cards dealt.  I tend towards the former, but occasionally the latter wins over.  Either way, I know I won the lottery in 1988 and gained a prize worth more than the multimillions you can win on the Euros.  

Vaguely Vegan - How Vegan is Vegan?

This is something I have been asking myself over the last few weeks.  I am primarily a dietary vegan.  I have multiple friends who are animal rights vegans and a couple of environmentals - there is some overlap, but it appears they are not identical and I am guessing that you can figure out the approximate difference between the two.  But whilst I identify strongly with the health aspects of giving this a go, I am not completely insensitive towards our furry friends, so I have been looking at other ways of tidying up my own animal footprint - and my environmental one as well.

Being a vegan is expensive, if you go the whole hog; I've seen toothpaste at £4.99 for 100ml - there are cheaper varieties - but compare this to Tosca's which 40p for the standard brand.  I can't afford £4.99 for a tube of toothpaste and I think you are barking mad, if you think this is a normal price for cleaning your teeth; I suspect the big supermarkets won't give a rat's arse about animal welfare in the ingredients list for personal hygiene.  So what do you do as an animal rights campaigner?  Shop around and suck it up, I guess.  I'll stop monkeying around with the appalling animal jokes for now...

Then there are the clothes in my wardrobe - countless pairs of funky goth boots and a leather jacket.  I'm dietary, so perhaps I am less worried about these items than others, BUT...imagine if you were of the animal persuasion.  Do you throw these items out? Give them to charity?  Sell them on eBay and use that money to buy new vegan shoes?  I don't know what the answer is really.  Mum gave me the money to buy a lovely pair of boots at Christmas - they cost £175 and are made of leather.  I won't be chucking them out, but even I can see there are very good boots out there that are not made of animal skin.  Then again, how do I know that those leather-free shoes haven't been glued together with a by-product of an animal if you buy them at Asbo, or Sanesbury?  

Yes, you can buy shoes and boots from vegan shops by getting yourself into London to visit stores, but have you tried buying shoes that fit and that are comfortable over the net?  The Factor-of-Eve: I am not quite a size 3 and my feet are so wide I can't wear kids shoes.  My bunions are horrific and I have slightly clubbed toes, left over from pre-transplant days.  On top of that, my feet callous up quickly because my walk is not quite right.. I usually only find shoes in M&S that I can tolerate on my feet - they are leather.  I don't go into London very often anymore - the travelling is just too much now and I am not prepared to order something over the net, find that it is wholly unsuitable and then have the stress of getting to the PO to return the item and wait for the refund. I've hardly left my house in the last 2 ½ weeks.  I am not always capable of running about, completing errands like this.  Clearly my footwear problem isn't going to go away any time soon and in cases like this, the best 'vegan' approach is probably to look after my current footwear and only replace it when it can no longer be repaired. Hopefully by then, this issue may have resolved itself - somehow.

Another idea that has cropped up again in a conversation is the question of eating eggs and dairy produce.  I am currently avoiding anything animal based, so this is not aimed at myself, but I do have one friend who is considering adopting some commercial chickens that are bound for the knacker's yard.  They'll be free range and have a home for life on his land - he'll benefit from the eggs.  I like this idea - a bit of give and take!  Further more, instead of a life span of 68 weeks, his chickens will get their full run of 6-7 years.  I suspect some vegans would disagree with this, but if I had the space (and was allowed near birds) then I think this would work for me.  

Then a week or so ago, I stumbled across http://www.farmaround.co.uk with their 'Cow Nation', 'Hen Nation' and 'Izzy Lane' (sheep).  If Harefield 'strongly suggest' I reintroduce dairy back into my diet, then I will be sending my custom to them.  I'll leave you to read the website and decide for yourselves if this is a good compromise, or not.  

To be absolutely clear about this, I am not 100% sure what Harefield will say when I tell them about my Diabetes experiment.  I've heard other patients having their heads bitten off, for changing their diets and not informing the hospital as it seriously mucked about with their blood test results.  Hopefully I have been sensible and kept my fat consumption high enough, to be certain of absorbing the immune-suppressant, but I am bracing myself for a bit of a telling off.  I'll know on the 10th whether I can stay vegan, or have to switch to a variation of vegetarian/pescetarian/omni, but at least I feel 'safe' knowing there are some animal-friendlier alternatives out there.  

And what about my medication?  That is clearly not going to be vegan and I am not stopping taking them, come hell or high water!  Even your basic pain killers aren't necessarily free from animal products.  I'm not even going to bother asking if I can be switched to an animal friendly version: I'm allergic to most immune suppressant drugs and honestly I take what I am told to take and I like it - at least, that's what I tell myself.  Honestly? Medical testing on animals will happen.  However, I think we've enough hair dyes and lotions to last a million life times, that we should not be testing those on animals again.  But, if it came down to a hospital testing a drug on my mum, or on a monkey - the monkey's taking the drugs.  When it comes saving the life of  a family member or a friend, my morals go out the window...

Vaguely Vegan - Caffeine Conundrum

So I ended up eating beef, when I went out with a friend the other day.  There was NOTHING on the menu that I could eat, given my restrictions and my current lifestyle choice, but that lunch has served as an interesting experiment.  Well, I am the sort of oddball that finds blood sugar reactions interesting.   I should have done Science this time round at uni; maybe I'll take it up after my current interests have expired.

Anyway, I digress.  I'd been having some very nice glucose levels recently and then I ate *that beef.  Hmmm. It's taken me since Thursday to bring the spike in reading down from 13 to 9.  Let me be absolutely clear about this.  I now wake up with a reading of around 5; after brekkie I am under 7, by lunch time I am usually around 10 and then with a big gap until dinner, I am usually back around the 7, or 8 mark when I go to bed.  It's still not good enough, but the 13 I scored on Thursday was a bit of a shock.

On top of this, I've kind of given up caffeine.  Those that know me, know 'I drink tea, therefore I am'.  I had a coffee yesterday morning and since then, it has been water all the way.  I am not sure how much difference this may make, but dehydration can cause glucose levels to rise and tea is a diuretic.  The odd thing is that I haven't missed it - not in the slightest.  I suspect this will change at some point and I know I will have another cuppa, but it is odd.  Maybe the three litres of water that I am now consumming each day are actually doing the job!?

In a nutshell, I am now seem to sticking to this vegan thing and I am avoiding caffeine (chocolate is not disqualified yet). If I don't have glowing skin, a flat stomach and a healthy blood sugar by the end of the summer, I am going to want a refund.

Finding My Donor Family II

Two leads have come so far, for possible names.  Obviously, I am not going to divulge that information, because at least one of those is wrong and I have to protect their identities.  I feel oddly and fiercely protective towards the memory of my donor - think mother lion and her cub and you'll be approaching the sentiment.  On top of that, it is not fair to anyone who is not my donor!

So now what and where?  Neither lead matches exactly.  One is a year too young and the other is geographically challenging.  One has a mum who was a bit younger than my guesstimation.   I don't feel as if it can be them, but then I can't count them out of the running.  In neither case has the DOD been confirmed, but both were registered in June.  Then there is the accuracy factor.  I searched myself on findmypast.co.uk (or com?) and the record contains an inaccuracy, so are those two leads accurate?  

If I assume all the information I have believed for 26yrs is wrong, then that widens the search area to a ridiculous level.  I have to at least assume it was a boy and that he was approximately 10 years old.  The only 100% known fact is that he passed away on the 6th June 1988, because organ viability.  It's possible the accident happened a week (several weeks?) before and he spent time in hospital.  A cursory glance at some genealogy sites indicates a number of deaths of youngsters (9-11yrs) in 1988: a lot - far far too many.  It was rather sobering.  Maybe I need to sift through all of them, regardless of location, or exact age.   I feel like I'm looking for a needle in a needle stack.

One thing is certain about this, it is quite easy to build a picture of a random strange family online, just by punching in a few details; in fact, I think I've found one lad's brother on the great FB.  It's great for genealogists, but I do feel a bit stalkerish!

Finding my Donor Family

The Background:

On Monday 6th June 1988, at 8.50pm I was sat in the kitchen at home, in Eastbourne.  I was at the table revising for my exams the following day; mum was upstairs watching TV, her feet were up after a long week working as a nurse at the local hospital.  The phone rang and when I answered a polite lady announced it was the hospital; she asked if she could speak to my mum.  A matching set of donor heart and lungs had been found.

Mum and I were transported to the hospital by a blue-light ambulance.  When we arrived there, it was soon apparent that the operation would go ahead this time and by 11.50pm I had said goodbye to my mum and was in the operating theatre.

Back in 1988, we were told little about our donor families and writing/contact was not encouraged.  I think it has now become common practice for the recipient to write initially and say thank you; if they get a reply back, then both parties can continue to correspond, should they both choose to do so.  

'Thank you' is probably the biggest understatement of the century.  You have no idea how 'thank you' really just does not cut it, until you have been there!  However, I have wanted to write that letter for years, but I never really knew how to go about it, especially as so much time has passed.  There aren't just the emotional issues, but also  practical things to consider; my donor family could have moved and the transplant co-ordinator may not be able to pass on the letter.  What if my letter caused upset, instead of bringing comfort? The last thing I want to do is cause more distress to a family who made the ultimate gift-giving decision, but I know I have to do it.  There is a mum and dad (maybe brothers or sisters) out there whose son is still here, 26 years later.  With this in mind, I am attempting to make my gratitude known - maybe social media can help to make this happen. Feel free to pass this on and repost it!

My Donor:

I don't have much information on which to go, but I do know he was a 10 year old from the Reading area.  I *think he passed away after he left school on the afternoon of Monday 6th June, 1988.  The exact date is guess work; I appreciate that the accident may have happened a week before and he spent time in hospital.  However, considering I got THE CALL just before 9pm, I can't imagine that it would have happened much after the end of the school day, because of roadside attendance of the ambulance and the process that has to happen before donation can be granted.  The chances are that happened before the early evening.

Does this sound like someone you used to know?  Did you live in Reading in 1988 and know a family that lost their son at the beginning of June? I am keen to trace my donor family - even if they don't want to write/meet, I'd love them to know how grateful I am and how great things have been, that the operation was a success and that we are still ok - both of us.

If any info is not right, but the date fits and you donated, then we may be in the right direction.  You'll have to forgive me, it was 26yrs ago and none of this is confirmed...other than the date!!!

A Red Herring?

From a TV donor drive/news interview a few days after my operation I also suspect the following: my donor mum was between 30-45 years of age and she had dark? brown? hair; from the camera angle, it looked short - a jaw length bob? a pixie cut?  The lady was interviewed about organ donation as her son had passed away a few days previously.  The camera angle was from the top of the chest up and you seemed slim, your face was at least.

Even if the description is not quite right, were you interviewed on TV about the need for organs?  Does this seem familiar?

To My Donor Mum,
If you are reading this, please know that your decision was the right one.  I have lived a good life, with many friends and family.  I am loved and I do love.

I am eternally grateful to you and your family; it was down to you that my mum and dad did not lose me.  It was because of your son that I have lived my life.  It is because of your son that I am looking forward to my 40th birthday, next year.  He has run with me for the last 26 years at a steady rate of 90bpm.  He has drawn in air for me, 16 times per minute, hour by hour, day by day.  Firemen, nurses and doctors save people all the time, he has saved me one beat at a time, one drawing in of a breath at a time, for the last 26 years.  It is an understatement that I call him a hero.

Together we have achieved much.  I've been to university, I've travelled, I learned to drive, I have fallen in and out of love.  I've had a career.  I bought a house. I have a cat!  None of this would have been possible without you, or without your lad.

I think of my donor family as my other family; you are never far from my thoughts and as the 6th of June comes round every year I try to mark the occasion in some way.

I have lots more to say to you, but a public posting is not the right place.  If you are 'my mum', or a member of the family then you can leave a comment.  No comments are published, unless I give permission, so all information is confidential.  If you don't want to be found, then this too is absolutely fine.  If you just want to know more about me, then you can read this blog.  Whatever the outcome, I hope that you know we are both ok and that I do my very best to look after your boy.  Together we are an excellent team.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart and with love xx

Vaguely Vegan - Choosing Cheese

I decided that I was going to try and properly stick to a vegan diet from Monday whilst attempting to bring my blood sugar under some sort of control.  By then I'd had very little animal product for a few days and thought I ought to use up the butter, cream, chocolate, eggs etc, so I made a huge chocolate/baileys brownie and force fed it to willing volunteers who needed a morale boost during an essay reading session... Yes, I had a (large-ahem) slice.  Nom.  I am surprised my blood sugar only went as high as 10.1 and I was delighted it had returned to normal by bed time.  Maybe a few days plant based diet has already had an impact? I don't know, I'm not medical, but it seems a good indication.  It's a shame my stomach complained like mad about the brownie, it was growling and upset for 24 hours afterwards.

Stomach problems can be huge in the transplant community.  The medication we take is so destructive that a lot of us end up on a drug to protect the stomach lining; I take Lanzoprazole.  I have wondered recently whether there is damage to my stomach as I am more easily irritated by foods if I eat too much, or if I add in something new.  Over the last 2-3 years, every meal I ate ended with my stomach growling for a few hours afterwards and actually being quite uncomfortable at times.  I've had issues with digestion since the transplant, which occasionally manifested itself at the most inconvenient and annoying times, but could usually be resolved by a few days of eating white bread (starch) and the gradual re-introduction of other food back into my system.  That Monday discomfort reminder was enough and I have maintained a vegan diet since then.   

If I am dairy/lactose intolerant that's a shame, as I have a bit of a cheese habit; one draw in my freezer will testify to this.  It's just as well I only paid about ¼ of the retail price, because I bought it all from Tosca on a new customer/half price deal!  To be certain whether dairy is the cause of my gestational discomfort and spiking blood sugar, I think I will put it back into my diet in a week or so and just see if my glucose levels rise and see if the same stomach problems return.  I've run out of glucose strips (packs of 50 are £29 in Boots and that lasts about 8 days), so until I hunt out a cheaper set on eBay I can't actually check.  Clouds and silver linings: if I am diagnosed as diabetic in August, maybe I can get these strips on prescription...

In the meantime: the hunt is on for a dairy replacement which is neither repellent, prohibitively expensive, nor akin to an alien life form.  I have said so many times that I am not a fan of anything that has been engineered to the nth degree and I can't tolerate soya, so this is going to be a hard ask.  I've found one company that make the brilliantly named No-Moo cheese range and they are Swiss (no shock there, then).  The biggest grumble I have about this is the fact they use vegetable oil instead of olive, or coconut, but at least it is not hydrogenated.  I scoured the list for 'iffy' ingredients when it arrived and was pleased to see I recognised everything by name and it seems to be made predominantly from water, oil and almond butter, all churned up into a patty that looks vaguely enough like cheese - turmeric is the spice/colourant used to achieve this.  You first eat with your eyes, right? 

All this said, I'm not sure about the use of carrageen (a binder extracted from seaweed), as there is some debate about whether this additive is an irritant.  Ultimately, this is an experiment to see if it tastes good.  If it does, can I replicate the item in my kitchen when I REALLY REALLY NEED to eat cheese?  At least then I will have a product that doesn't have anything weird in it at all.  Time will tell whether this concept is a delight, or a monstrosity.