A Quick Catch-Up

So where was I, before I was interrupted?

I feel I ought to write something in defence of the net; it's actually a good place.  Yes, I may have had unwanted contact from one individual and it's possible for a person's past to rear up its ugly head sometimes, but the web has also been responsible for me reconnecting with someone with whom I was very good friends, when we met at Royal Holloway during my first M.A back in 2001.  We've shared a couple of very long phone conversations since this initial discovery of me, by the lady in question, and it's amazing to feel as if the friendship is just where it was all those years ago!  Hopefully we will have the opportunity to actually see each other in person - and yes, if you are reading this, it is a plug from me to you to get on and apply to do that PhD; I want to proof-read that 100, 000 word book about Isabella!  I'm on the case of several friends about this particular issue, so all of you who are in that boat there is one thing I have to say - hop to it!

Aside from that, in the weird world of Eve and medication, things are afoot.  After another consultation with another doctor about blood sugar levels, it seems apparent I can not tolerate the Diabetes tablets, so we're looking at Insulin again, but not all the time.  I shall be on a fairly rigorous testing program and only using the drug when I need to, which may be three times in one day and then not for two.   This is, of course, assuming that I don't have some crashing reaction to it, as I did with Glipizide.  Ending up in A&E, unable to get my blood sugar above 2.6 was not a lot of fun. 

So, why didn't the doctors get my drug right?  Well, this is what my Paleo Pal will recognise as the 'Factor of Eve'.  I've used that phrase a few times too often in front of her!  And by this I mean two things.  Firstly, most doctors are completely in the dark when it comes to transplantation and the nitty gritty of medication requirements.  Secondly, my body doesn't react to any medication, the way it is supposed to react.  No, they don't know why. Harefield and I have been making this up as we go along, for the last 26 ½ years, based on what they know, compared with my observations about my own body.  For example, I am on one drug called Erythropoietin.  It seems that most people are on two doses a week, but that was too much for me, so with a bit of mathematical jigging of numbers from me at home and agreement from the hospital, I inject 700u every 5 days.  I've been counting days like this since I was 15.  I am the only patient I know who has this regime, but at least the hospital was flexible enough to allow me to do this!

However, back to the blood sugar.  Two things came into play regarding my departure to A&E hypoing on a drug that should not have caused hypos: the reaction time of the Glipizide should have been two hours and it extended to about 24 hours in me.  Then, the usual response to a hypo is to eat a sugary snack and something with carbohydrate to get you back on your feet.  This did not work.  In a two hour interval I ate 7 slices of marmalade on toast, two chocolate bars, 4 chocolate biscuits, a packet of crisps and 15 sachets of sugar.  My level remained stubbornly under 3 and I lost a kilo in weight over the course of the night.  My body doesn't react to any medication, the way it is supposed to react.  

And this problem is causing me another problem.  I was becoming anaemic on the vegan diet, despite injecting Erythropoietin, taking iron tablets and taking a multi-vitamin a day.  So, I ran a dietary experiment at the request of one of my medical teams - I had to reintroduce meat/fish/diary and see what happened.  Sticking aside any thoughts of animal welfare for the moment, the whole thing was rather interesting.  Well, it was rather explosive: my stomach now disagrees vehemently with dairy - although goats cheese and eggs are tolerated, as guests in the dairy department.  I ate meat and fish a few times in one week and my blood sugar sky rocketed.  I suspect the actual problem was that because there was something extra back on my plate, the vegetable content was a lot lower.  It was this, or the 'Factor of Eve' intervened and I have a suspected issue with animal fats (I read 'something somewhere' about transplant+diabetes+kidney disease+animal fat).    Briefly, back on the omni diet, my anaemia started to recover.  I also observed that my blood glucose was a lot worse with dairy than meat, and it was worse with meat than with fish.  

But, then I had to get back to the vegan diet to try and sort out the increased blood sugar.  My levels are coming back down again and my anaemia is going back up, despite the medical intervention as detailed above.  I could scream!  In a nutshell, it looks like I don't absorb the nutrients from tablets, I do in dead animal form.  My body does not react to medication the way it is supposed to react.  I have an appointment to discuss all of this with a dietician (poor lady) in November.  She's going to struggle with the next paragraph as well.

Diabetics are supposed to moderate their carbohydrate intake.  Yesterday, I scoffed down a bean burger, a wrap, chips and a cheeseless pizza.  My blood sugar was normal all day.  Today, for lunch I had a home made (no junk food in sight) broccoli and cauliflower curry - I had no rice, potato or naan bread.  My blood sugar shot up to 13.  My body does not behave the way it is supposed to behave.  This will be driving my Paleo pal nuts, if she is reading this!!  But it's evidence, I think, that when it comes to diet that one size does not fit all.  I would not cope on her diet, but I have to say, she looks pretty good on it!  On the other hand, I think she'd keel over in agony if she ate mine.

So what's going on?  As far as I can see, I have a reaction to my steroids.  My blood glucose is elevated (most days) 6 hours after ingestion.  It continues reacting to food for another 6 hours or so.  The doctor now thinks I am not strictly Diabetic.  I am just having a 'Diabetic-Style' reaction.  I have normal blood glucose from about 10pm until about 1pm the next day.  One day I skipped my steroids (ok, I was sick in Bognor and it came back up).  My blood glucose did not rise that day.

I'm a bugger aren't I?

To Blog, or not to Blog

It has been a while since I put finger to keyboard.  I've been avoiding it.  A couple of months ago I received an email from someone I used to know; it was unwanted.  They found me here, after searching online and they contacted me again.  I expressly asked them to not contact me during our last exchange.  I meant it then and I mean it now.  I have never deliberately cut anyone out of my life until then.  People are too precious.

However, if you knowingly make choices that could endanger my life, then you are a non-entity.  

I can't see you; you don't exist.

In Defence of Death

Having recently been confronted with  the death of one of my teenage heroes (Rik Mayall) from a significant cardiac event and today's sad news regarding the apparent suicide of Robin Williams, I have found myself thinking about my own mortality - again.  I suspect I view death a little differently from a lot of people.  It's hard not to have unusual perspectives about this subject when you've slapped Death round the face more times than you care to remember, but I have to say I am not actually afraid of slipping off my mortal coil.  In fact, I rather embrace the prospect as a natural part of life - albeit the end bit. 

 

But there it is - a euphemism for dying.  We speak of people passing on, passing over, falling asleep, buying a one-way ticket, gaining their angel wings, cashing in chips, being called to (insert deity) and awakening to eternal life - I could go on.  People don't like using the D-word; it seems so final.  But is it?  I once read that you've not truly 'gone' until the last man alive, who remembers you, is also gone.  That may be fairly comforting for Richard the Lionheart and Saladin, because I'm still thinking about them 800 years later after they pushed up the daisies. However, for the rest of us that don't make it into the history books, what are our prospects for eternity through remembrance? 

 

I think social media, such as FB, Twitter and instruments like this blog are going to give the average person a small chance of immortality - until the internet falls over because of all the idiotic junk.  It does make me smile a little at the thought of some poor, unsuspecting individual being sucked into my particular style of waffle, two hundred years after I kick the bucket - ooh look, there's another one; you really are getting your money's worth today!

 

But what about actual immortality?  Well, if it exists, I'm definitely coming back to scare the heebie-jeebies out of a few individuals who probably should remain unnamed and I may swing by your pad to say hello if I like you well enough, but I am pretty certain that most of you won't want a fading version of me loitering in the corner, whilst you're trying to eat your dinner.  What if I bring someone else with me?  I sense most of my friends are suddenly considering moving, without forwarding their address.  As for a god and immortality, I'm sorry, but you are going to have to answer that one for yourselves.  In the meantime, you'll just have to settle for me being a decent person who tries to do the right thing.

 

With that question put to the side for a blog of its own at some point, I'd now like to ask the uncomfortable question of why do people fear death, when it is something that everyone and everything will experience?  When my time comes, I fully intend on seeing my way through as much of it as I possibly can, before the lights are switched out.  I hope that there will be someone with me, whom care about and that it is not just a member of my medical team.  I'm pretty certain that my days will be ended in a hospital, probably Harefield Hospital - my second home.  Yes, really, Harefield does feel like that.  I once described myself as a homing pigeon when I was speaking to the psychologist last year; he commented that I wasn't the only one who felt like that.  It almost feels normal to be sat in that hospital bed, with an oxygen mask over my face; I've been there so many times in my life, that such events are a minor inconvenience that stop me being Eve for a few weeks at a time.

 

Actually, probably THE fear that I have surrounding my own death is the fact that I know I am chronically ill and I have a cat that depends on me for everything.  I absolutely know that I have friends who would take Harvey and look after him, but that doesn't stop me having completely irrational thoughts of me dying at home and being undetected for two weeks.  Forget me, what about my poor little meezer?  No, it doesn't bother me that I'd end up as cat food - I only hope the medication doesn't make him ill.  But this is, as I said, completely irrational.  I may be chronically ill, but I am not actually sick!

 

Probably my second biggest fear is actually being sick again.   I don't mean the sort of sick where I am griping on FB about yet another cold, or a sprained ankle, but the proper sick - the sort of sick that most people only experience in the later stages of life.  Oddly, I don't fear heart disease - we two are comfortable with each other.  I wouldn't quite go so far as to say that we are old friends, but I've been in heart failure before and I've arrested before.  It has happened.  It may well happen again, but I am confident.  I fear cancer.  I have friends and family who have defeated this disease, but I have also lost friends and family to it.  I fear cancer because I can't have chemo.  I fear cancer because I have had a fortnight's course of Radiotherapy at 1/8th of the dose of a cancer patient and it was nasty.  I fear cancer because my chances of survival are microscopic.  So, I know what I will do if I am ever diagnosed with it - no, I don't mean the small growth on my forehead that will be plucked out in a couple of months.  I mean a proper dose of this vile disease.

 

The same can be said for any other terminal issue, or anything that takes away my ability to think for myself - such as Alzheimer's.  I fear not being able to look after myself, or forgetting to take my medication.  I will end it my way, before the disease makes my life unbearable, or robs me of my ability to think.  I will do as Robin Williams did yesterday when it all became too much for him.  If I can afford to, I will take myself to Dignitas in Switzerland.  If I can't do that, I know I have enough medication in this house to make the dinosaurs extinct again, so it should be just enough for me too.  I actually think suicide can be the action of a brave person.  If it is successful, it is irreversible; there are no second chances.  To know your actions mean that you are never going to walk down the road, holding hands with your loved ones, takes bravery and a type of strength, that people may assume is missing in those with mental health issues.  They are wrong.  Suicide in a desperate situation is strength and I wish that people would not see it as a weakness.

 

If I am capable of doing so, when my number's are coming up, I've every intention of holding my own wake.  I want to be able to say goodbye to my loved ones.  You're going to have to be someone very special to be invited to that party.  And yes, it is a party.  It is a celebration.  Funerals, memorials, wakes are something to be celebrated.  I do mourn the people who have departed, but I also celebrate their lives.  I think of their achievements, the loved one's left behind, I smile at their naughty streaks and remember their kindness.  I may shed a tear remembering a friend's passing, but I also have a smile and a chuckle for each of them .  They are not gone, they are imbedded in my heart.

 

So, why should I not get to celebrate my own life, rather than leaving it to people who will be struggling, because they are sad?  Why do they get to have the party, when I don't? I already think there is a lot to celebrate.  I turn 40 next year.  How on earth did I get to 40?  I don't mean that in the usual sense of 'where's the time gone?', I mean how did I make it to 40 years with my health problems?  I think about all the things I have done in my time.  I know I've had to slow down a lot over the years, but I've still crammed more into this time than a lot of people would manage in two life times.  I want to join in with that celebration.  I want to pick the music, watch my friends dance, listen to their memories and then maybe I can go, knowing I am loved and cherished.  Now, I don't want you all to start wondering if something is wrong and if you get invited to a 40th next year, I don't want you to start thinking that that may be the farewell party.  This is just my point of view. 

 

In the meantime, stop worrying about death, or fearing it.  We all go through the process.  For the religious amongst you, you know you will be reunited with your loved ones.  For those that don't believe you know that through the law of energy conservation your energy is ever present.  Energy is verifiable and constant; it doesn't diminish, or increase.  It's just that after death you are no longer in one piece.  In either case, what is there to lose?

 

As an end note, when I die, I either want to end up at Harefield, so they can poke about inside, or I'd like to do a Jeremy Bentham (you'll have to ask Dr Google about that ;p).  But above all, I want to be remembered for doing it my way.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5DdTIKk48

 

 

 

 

 

Vaguely Vegan - Ditching Diabetes

So, it's now the week before my MOT at Harefield Hospital and I have just started recording my blood glucose results to take with me; I am hoping to see a change on the last time I did this.  For those of you who like numbers, consider these figures below.  

This first of set of glucose readings are my average results over a week, on my 'old/normal' diet.  

Before Breakfast: 8.8

2hrs After: 12.6 

Before Lunch: 9.5 

2 hrs After: 16.2 

Before Dinner: 10.1

2 hrs After: 15.4 

Bed Time: 13.2

The fasting glucose reading should be about 5 and healthy seems to be under 8, although if you are Diabetes Type Two, then up to 8.5 is acceptable.  You can see, they were all awful.

The second set of results are the average results over a week, after three weeks of being vegan - yes, the first two weeks were a bit hit and miss, but that was me getting used to things.

Before Breakfast: 5

2hrs After: 8.5

Before Lunch: 8

2 hrs After:14.3

Before Dinner: 8.2

2 hrs After: 10.8

Bed Time: 7.4

The lunch time spike happens six hours after I take my steroids (DAMN YOU PREDNISOLONE!).  I am not sure that I will ever be able to correct that, because I have to take the stuff, like it or not.  Back to yesterday's post; this is the point I tell myself that I like the drug as it supports my lungs - even if it makes my face puffy.

Anyway, just to prove that I am not completely barking mad and that this was not an idea I randomly plucked out the sky, here's a link to watch that explains the thinking behind my experiment - courtesy of a friend who messaged the video to me yesterday.  

http://www.myfoxhouston.com/Clip/10320937/correlation-between-meat-and-diabetes#.U7Mg1LbjYQ8.facebook

It was not this film which made me consider a dietary change, but I didn't want to bore you all to death with some of the things I have been reading.  In a nutshell; in some large-group studies it has been noted that people on high saturated fat diets (meats and dairy - not just meat as suggested in the video), who were already insulin resistant were more prone to Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and Kidney Disease.  I have all four; I ate meat and dairy products.  The people in the studies, who were placed on a plant-based diet, managed a significant improvement in their blood glucose results.  I am seeing an improvement in mine; I'll have to wait until next Thursday to see if the other results have improved - or not.

It's an American clip so that means it may not be what your doctor over here in Blighty would prescribe.  I am also not suggesting anyone changes their diet!  You have to eat what is right for your body, but I am fast coming round to the idea that as far as food is concerned, one size does not fit all, but I'll come back to that another day.

Finding My Donor Family III

I have to admit that since I posted my original note, that I have stalled in my quest.  This has been largely due to commitments at university and if I am honest with myself, I suspect that nothing more will now happen until August, when I am no longer bound by timetables, or deadlines.  And then I have days like today, where the enormity of the situation overtakes everything else in my head and I have to just stop what I am doing and shed a few tears.

I cry because he missed out and because his entire family missed out in watching him do, learn, explore, grow, change, develop.  I often wonder about the lad who saved my life.  He'd be 36 now, if the facts that I have are correct.  Would he have married?  What would he have done?  Was he a good kid? Was he a little monkey?  What happened to his best friends at school?  I know mine rallied  when my life support was nearly switched off - in fact their actions saved my life; I came round, out of a coma when mum repeatedly played the tape of them singing, laughing and talking which they'd sent to the hospital.

I cry because I can never make it right for that boy.  If a kid hurt themselves in the playground, I used to give them a hug and just be there for them; I can't do that for him.  I know absolutely it was not my fault that he died, but there is such a thing as survivors guilt.  I am alive, because he is not.  I just want to scoop him up, give him a big cuddle and tell him it will be alright.

I cry because next year I turn 40.  How on earth did I get to 40?  HOW?  It beggars belief that I am probably going to celebrate this milestone.  I am stunned.  Most people seem to run away from admitting they are THAT old - I'm running towards it, with my arms open wide, ready to embrace the next decade.  The fading looks, the increased wrinkles are minor details that really don't matter.  

I  AM GOING TO MAKE IT TO FORTY! 

I cry because I wonder if I have done enough.  Has my life been justification enough for that hellishly expensive operation and that lad's passing?  Have enough of my days counted?  Have I tried to do the right thing?  Have I been honest enough? Kind enough? Thoughtful enough?  Achieved enough?  Truthful enough? If I ever meet my donor mum, will I meet her expectations?  I have two lives for which to account; have my actions been the right ones?  Should I be a better person?

I cry because of the chances I have had, that would have been denied me, had I died back in 1988.  It so nearly wasn't my turn, but a twist of fate, or a stroke of luck, a guardian angel, or the devil watching over me - however you choose to phrase it - has granted me some of the most amazing experiences a person could wish to have.  I have never managed to work out whether I was the luckiest bugger alive, or if I have had the worst hand of cards dealt.  I tend towards the former, but occasionally the latter wins over.  Either way, I know I won the lottery in 1988 and gained a prize worth more than the multimillions you can win on the Euros.  

Vaguely Vegan - How Vegan is Vegan?

This is something I have been asking myself over the last few weeks.  I am primarily a dietary vegan.  I have multiple friends who are animal rights vegans and a couple of environmentals - there is some overlap, but it appears they are not identical and I am guessing that you can figure out the approximate difference between the two.  But whilst I identify strongly with the health aspects of giving this a go, I am not completely insensitive towards our furry friends, so I have been looking at other ways of tidying up my own animal footprint - and my environmental one as well.

Being a vegan is expensive, if you go the whole hog; I've seen toothpaste at £4.99 for 100ml - there are cheaper varieties - but compare this to Tosca's which 40p for the standard brand.  I can't afford £4.99 for a tube of toothpaste and I think you are barking mad, if you think this is a normal price for cleaning your teeth; I suspect the big supermarkets won't give a rat's arse about animal welfare in the ingredients list for personal hygiene.  So what do you do as an animal rights campaigner?  Shop around and suck it up, I guess.  I'll stop monkeying around with the appalling animal jokes for now...

Then there are the clothes in my wardrobe - countless pairs of funky goth boots and a leather jacket.  I'm dietary, so perhaps I am less worried about these items than others, BUT...imagine if you were of the animal persuasion.  Do you throw these items out? Give them to charity?  Sell them on eBay and use that money to buy new vegan shoes?  I don't know what the answer is really.  Mum gave me the money to buy a lovely pair of boots at Christmas - they cost £175 and are made of leather.  I won't be chucking them out, but even I can see there are very good boots out there that are not made of animal skin.  Then again, how do I know that those leather-free shoes haven't been glued together with a by-product of an animal if you buy them at Asbo, or Sanesbury?  

Yes, you can buy shoes and boots from vegan shops by getting yourself into London to visit stores, but have you tried buying shoes that fit and that are comfortable over the net?  The Factor-of-Eve: I am not quite a size 3 and my feet are so wide I can't wear kids shoes.  My bunions are horrific and I have slightly clubbed toes, left over from pre-transplant days.  On top of that, my feet callous up quickly because my walk is not quite right.. I usually only find shoes in M&S that I can tolerate on my feet - they are leather.  I don't go into London very often anymore - the travelling is just too much now and I am not prepared to order something over the net, find that it is wholly unsuitable and then have the stress of getting to the PO to return the item and wait for the refund. I've hardly left my house in the last 2 ½ weeks.  I am not always capable of running about, completing errands like this.  Clearly my footwear problem isn't going to go away any time soon and in cases like this, the best 'vegan' approach is probably to look after my current footwear and only replace it when it can no longer be repaired. Hopefully by then, this issue may have resolved itself - somehow.

Another idea that has cropped up again in a conversation is the question of eating eggs and dairy produce.  I am currently avoiding anything animal based, so this is not aimed at myself, but I do have one friend who is considering adopting some commercial chickens that are bound for the knacker's yard.  They'll be free range and have a home for life on his land - he'll benefit from the eggs.  I like this idea - a bit of give and take!  Further more, instead of a life span of 68 weeks, his chickens will get their full run of 6-7 years.  I suspect some vegans would disagree with this, but if I had the space (and was allowed near birds) then I think this would work for me.  

Then a week or so ago, I stumbled across http://www.farmaround.co.uk with their 'Cow Nation', 'Hen Nation' and 'Izzy Lane' (sheep).  If Harefield 'strongly suggest' I reintroduce dairy back into my diet, then I will be sending my custom to them.  I'll leave you to read the website and decide for yourselves if this is a good compromise, or not.  

To be absolutely clear about this, I am not 100% sure what Harefield will say when I tell them about my Diabetes experiment.  I've heard other patients having their heads bitten off, for changing their diets and not informing the hospital as it seriously mucked about with their blood test results.  Hopefully I have been sensible and kept my fat consumption high enough, to be certain of absorbing the immune-suppressant, but I am bracing myself for a bit of a telling off.  I'll know on the 10th whether I can stay vegan, or have to switch to a variation of vegetarian/pescetarian/omni, but at least I feel 'safe' knowing there are some animal-friendlier alternatives out there.  

And what about my medication?  That is clearly not going to be vegan and I am not stopping taking them, come hell or high water!  Even your basic pain killers aren't necessarily free from animal products.  I'm not even going to bother asking if I can be switched to an animal friendly version: I'm allergic to most immune suppressant drugs and honestly I take what I am told to take and I like it - at least, that's what I tell myself.  Honestly? Medical testing on animals will happen.  However, I think we've enough hair dyes and lotions to last a million life times, that we should not be testing those on animals again.  But, if it came down to a hospital testing a drug on my mum, or on a monkey - the monkey's taking the drugs.  When it comes saving the life of  a family member or a friend, my morals go out the window...

Vaguely Vegan - Caffeine Conundrum

So I ended up eating beef, when I went out with a friend the other day.  There was NOTHING on the menu that I could eat, given my restrictions and my current lifestyle choice, but that lunch has served as an interesting experiment.  Well, I am the sort of oddball that finds blood sugar reactions interesting.   I should have done Science this time round at uni; maybe I'll take it up after my current interests have expired.

Anyway, I digress.  I'd been having some very nice glucose levels recently and then I ate *that beef.  Hmmm. It's taken me since Thursday to bring the spike in reading down from 13 to 9.  Let me be absolutely clear about this.  I now wake up with a reading of around 5; after brekkie I am under 7, by lunch time I am usually around 10 and then with a big gap until dinner, I am usually back around the 7, or 8 mark when I go to bed.  It's still not good enough, but the 13 I scored on Thursday was a bit of a shock.

On top of this, I've kind of given up caffeine.  Those that know me, know 'I drink tea, therefore I am'.  I had a coffee yesterday morning and since then, it has been water all the way.  I am not sure how much difference this may make, but dehydration can cause glucose levels to rise and tea is a diuretic.  The odd thing is that I haven't missed it - not in the slightest.  I suspect this will change at some point and I know I will have another cuppa, but it is odd.  Maybe the three litres of water that I am now consumming each day are actually doing the job!?

In a nutshell, I am now seem to sticking to this vegan thing and I am avoiding caffeine (chocolate is not disqualified yet). If I don't have glowing skin, a flat stomach and a healthy blood sugar by the end of the summer, I am going to want a refund.

Finding My Donor Family II

Two leads have come so far, for possible names.  Obviously, I am not going to divulge that information, because at least one of those is wrong and I have to protect their identities.  I feel oddly and fiercely protective towards the memory of my donor - think mother lion and her cub and you'll be approaching the sentiment.  On top of that, it is not fair to anyone who is not my donor!

So now what and where?  Neither lead matches exactly.  One is a year too young and the other is geographically challenging.  One has a mum who was a bit younger than my guesstimation.   I don't feel as if it can be them, but then I can't count them out of the running.  In neither case has the DOD been confirmed, but both were registered in June.  Then there is the accuracy factor.  I searched myself on findmypast.co.uk (or com?) and the record contains an inaccuracy, so are those two leads accurate?  

If I assume all the information I have believed for 26yrs is wrong, then that widens the search area to a ridiculous level.  I have to at least assume it was a boy and that he was approximately 10 years old.  The only 100% known fact is that he passed away on the 6th June 1988, because organ viability.  It's possible the accident happened a week (several weeks?) before and he spent time in hospital.  A cursory glance at some genealogy sites indicates a number of deaths of youngsters (9-11yrs) in 1988: a lot - far far too many.  It was rather sobering.  Maybe I need to sift through all of them, regardless of location, or exact age.   I feel like I'm looking for a needle in a needle stack.

One thing is certain about this, it is quite easy to build a picture of a random strange family online, just by punching in a few details; in fact, I think I've found one lad's brother on the great FB.  It's great for genealogists, but I do feel a bit stalkerish!

Finding my Donor Family

The Background:

On Monday 6th June 1988, at 8.50pm I was sat in the kitchen at home, in Eastbourne.  I was at the table revising for my exams the following day; mum was upstairs watching TV, her feet were up after a long week working as a nurse at the local hospital.  The phone rang and when I answered a polite lady announced it was the hospital; she asked if she could speak to my mum.  A matching set of donor heart and lungs had been found.

Mum and I were transported to the hospital by a blue-light ambulance.  When we arrived there, it was soon apparent that the operation would go ahead this time and by 11.50pm I had said goodbye to my mum and was in the operating theatre.

Back in 1988, we were told little about our donor families and writing/contact was not encouraged.  I think it has now become common practice for the recipient to write initially and say thank you; if they get a reply back, then both parties can continue to correspond, should they both choose to do so.  

'Thank you' is probably the biggest understatement of the century.  You have no idea how 'thank you' really just does not cut it, until you have been there!  However, I have wanted to write that letter for years, but I never really knew how to go about it, especially as so much time has passed.  There aren't just the emotional issues, but also  practical things to consider; my donor family could have moved and the transplant co-ordinator may not be able to pass on the letter.  What if my letter caused upset, instead of bringing comfort? The last thing I want to do is cause more distress to a family who made the ultimate gift-giving decision, but I know I have to do it.  There is a mum and dad (maybe brothers or sisters) out there whose son is still here, 26 years later.  With this in mind, I am attempting to make my gratitude known - maybe social media can help to make this happen. Feel free to pass this on and repost it!

My Donor:

I don't have much information on which to go, but I do know he was a 10 year old from the Reading area.  I *think he passed away after he left school on the afternoon of Monday 6th June, 1988.  The exact date is guess work; I appreciate that the accident may have happened a week before and he spent time in hospital.  However, considering I got THE CALL just before 9pm, I can't imagine that it would have happened much after the end of the school day, because of roadside attendance of the ambulance and the process that has to happen before donation can be granted.  The chances are that happened before the early evening.

Does this sound like someone you used to know?  Did you live in Reading in 1988 and know a family that lost their son at the beginning of June? I am keen to trace my donor family - even if they don't want to write/meet, I'd love them to know how grateful I am and how great things have been, that the operation was a success and that we are still ok - both of us.

If any info is not right, but the date fits and you donated, then we may be in the right direction.  You'll have to forgive me, it was 26yrs ago and none of this is confirmed...other than the date!!!

A Red Herring?

From a TV donor drive/news interview a few days after my operation I also suspect the following: my donor mum was between 30-45 years of age and she had dark? brown? hair; from the camera angle, it looked short - a jaw length bob? a pixie cut?  The lady was interviewed about organ donation as her son had passed away a few days previously.  The camera angle was from the top of the chest up and you seemed slim, your face was at least.

Even if the description is not quite right, were you interviewed on TV about the need for organs?  Does this seem familiar?

To My Donor Mum,
If you are reading this, please know that your decision was the right one.  I have lived a good life, with many friends and family.  I am loved and I do love.

I am eternally grateful to you and your family; it was down to you that my mum and dad did not lose me.  It was because of your son that I have lived my life.  It is because of your son that I am looking forward to my 40th birthday, next year.  He has run with me for the last 26 years at a steady rate of 90bpm.  He has drawn in air for me, 16 times per minute, hour by hour, day by day.  Firemen, nurses and doctors save people all the time, he has saved me one beat at a time, one drawing in of a breath at a time, for the last 26 years.  It is an understatement that I call him a hero.

Together we have achieved much.  I've been to university, I've travelled, I learned to drive, I have fallen in and out of love.  I've had a career.  I bought a house. I have a cat!  None of this would have been possible without you, or without your lad.

I think of my donor family as my other family; you are never far from my thoughts and as the 6th of June comes round every year I try to mark the occasion in some way.

I have lots more to say to you, but a public posting is not the right place.  If you are 'my mum', or a member of the family then you can leave a comment.  No comments are published, unless I give permission, so all information is confidential.  If you don't want to be found, then this too is absolutely fine.  If you just want to know more about me, then you can read this blog.  Whatever the outcome, I hope that you know we are both ok and that I do my very best to look after your boy.  Together we are an excellent team.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart and with love xx

Vaguely Vegan - Choosing Cheese

I decided that I was going to try and properly stick to a vegan diet from Monday whilst attempting to bring my blood sugar under some sort of control.  By then I'd had very little animal product for a few days and thought I ought to use up the butter, cream, chocolate, eggs etc, so I made a huge chocolate/baileys brownie and force fed it to willing volunteers who needed a morale boost during an essay reading session... Yes, I had a (large-ahem) slice.  Nom.  I am surprised my blood sugar only went as high as 10.1 and I was delighted it had returned to normal by bed time.  Maybe a few days plant based diet has already had an impact? I don't know, I'm not medical, but it seems a good indication.  It's a shame my stomach complained like mad about the brownie, it was growling and upset for 24 hours afterwards.

Stomach problems can be huge in the transplant community.  The medication we take is so destructive that a lot of us end up on a drug to protect the stomach lining; I take Lanzoprazole.  I have wondered recently whether there is damage to my stomach as I am more easily irritated by foods if I eat too much, or if I add in something new.  Over the last 2-3 years, every meal I ate ended with my stomach growling for a few hours afterwards and actually being quite uncomfortable at times.  I've had issues with digestion since the transplant, which occasionally manifested itself at the most inconvenient and annoying times, but could usually be resolved by a few days of eating white bread (starch) and the gradual re-introduction of other food back into my system.  That Monday discomfort reminder was enough and I have maintained a vegan diet since then.   

If I am dairy/lactose intolerant that's a shame, as I have a bit of a cheese habit; one draw in my freezer will testify to this.  It's just as well I only paid about ¼ of the retail price, because I bought it all from Tosca on a new customer/half price deal!  To be certain whether dairy is the cause of my gestational discomfort and spiking blood sugar, I think I will put it back into my diet in a week or so and just see if my glucose levels rise and see if the same stomach problems return.  I've run out of glucose strips (packs of 50 are £29 in Boots and that lasts about 8 days), so until I hunt out a cheaper set on eBay I can't actually check.  Clouds and silver linings: if I am diagnosed as diabetic in August, maybe I can get these strips on prescription...

In the meantime: the hunt is on for a dairy replacement which is neither repellent, prohibitively expensive, nor akin to an alien life form.  I have said so many times that I am not a fan of anything that has been engineered to the nth degree and I can't tolerate soya, so this is going to be a hard ask.  I've found one company that make the brilliantly named No-Moo cheese range and they are Swiss (no shock there, then).  The biggest grumble I have about this is the fact they use vegetable oil instead of olive, or coconut, but at least it is not hydrogenated.  I scoured the list for 'iffy' ingredients when it arrived and was pleased to see I recognised everything by name and it seems to be made predominantly from water, oil and almond butter, all churned up into a patty that looks vaguely enough like cheese - turmeric is the spice/colourant used to achieve this.  You first eat with your eyes, right? 

All this said, I'm not sure about the use of carrageen (a binder extracted from seaweed), as there is some debate about whether this additive is an irritant.  Ultimately, this is an experiment to see if it tastes good.  If it does, can I replicate the item in my kitchen when I REALLY REALLY NEED to eat cheese?  At least then I will have a product that doesn't have anything weird in it at all.  Time will tell whether this concept is a delight, or a monstrosity.

April Austerity - Fallout 4

Last month I started growing one lonely lettuce stalk on the ledge in the lounge.  I now have three of them, a regrown bunch of spring onions and a cabbage.  The latter is interesting.  As all the other veggies have sprouted upwards from the centre without growing any roots, I was expecting the cabbage to do just that.  It hasn't obliged.  The cabbage has developed from the gaps between the leaves of the original stalk; I have 5-6 new growths and a load lot of roots.  I am actually considering buying some compost and seeing if I can separate the new plants and grow them individually.

I think there is a difference in how lettuce may grow, according to how the stem is cut.  The two by themselves (in the middle pot) seem to be opening up, whereas the third lettuce (left hand side, right hand pot) seems to look more like its original shape.  I *think that is the one that I managed to cut dead flat across.  Mum's said she may get me one of those put-me-up plastic greenhouses for the garden to see if I can grow veggies in there.  She's already bought me a rosemary plant and a tomato plant.

Continuing with a veggie theme, if you ever open up the fridge and find vegetables that look as if they have had a night out (bendy and beyond their best), have you tried standing them in water, in the fridge for a few hours?  Carrots, cabbage, broccoli and a few others all seem to gain a bit of ompf back after a little TLC.  Sad lettuce?  Peel off the leaves and plunge them in ice cold water for 20 minutes!

Finally, the fun and games with Tosca continue.  Below is this week's shop: £21 worth of stock for £10.50 - give or take a few pennies.

Vaguely Vegan

For years rejection was the word that struck fear into my heart, literally and figuratively speaking.  In terms of transplant terror, risks went something like this:

REJECTION

INFECTION

Everything Else

Now the terror looks like this:

REJECTION

DIABETES -> KIDNEY FAILURE

INFECTION

Everything Else

After a massive dose of steroids at the beginning of my second of year of teaching (October 2005), my blood sugar rocketed and it took me weeks to stabilise it, although I managed that without the aid of medical intervention.  Ok, that's a small porky, I had one shot of insulin when I was drip-fed the Solu-medrone. By this stage we knew I only had around 35% kidney function left.  Dodgy kidneys, high blood pressure, an iffy second ticker that was starting to fur up, pre-diabetes and a truck load of scary drugs all roll together to make a pretty picture in transplant terms and I knew that the day of scoffing what I fancied was coming to an end.

Rather surprisingly, it's taken nine years to get to this stage.  I have generally looked after myself, taken my medication, eaten (reasonably) well, exercised (until recently) and just got on with things.  I think the Epstein Barr has quickened the onset, as I can't walk  much and I am not always capable of preparing food.  Then, in April of this year, I found out my glucose level had been systematically high on non-fasting bloods at Harefield over the last year - or thereabouts.  A specialist in Diabetes beckons.

With all this in mind, I have decided to try something rather radical - in the short term at least.   Over the last week I have more-or-less cut all animal products out of my diet and so far, I am shocked at the difference to my blood glucose.  Where I was scoring 8-11 every morning, I am now always below 7 now and usually it's between 5-5.5 - Normal!  I've taken my glucose reading upon waking up, two hours after breakfast, before lunch and two hours after lunch.  I've just taken it before supper tonight.  I've not had one reading today above 8.8.  It was heading up to 14, 15 quite regularly.  It seems to be dropping down a little further each day.

I know I cannot maintain this diet permanently, but I have two months before I get to the specialist for Diabetes.  Can I get a handle on this so that I can stay free of another drug?  Even if I only delay it by 6 months, that will be a bonus.

So, why Vaguely Vegan?  Well, I know it is probably not a practical lifestyle in terms of my transplant, although a plant based diet seems to currently agree with me:

• there is a huge list of things I must not eat/must avoid  
• I shouldn't really eat the vegan stock replacement item - soya (or any of the associated items) as the pain of gout is PHENOMENAL - and is linked to kidney damage/diabetes etc.
• I have to go easy on a lot of the secondary vegan replacement items - beans and pulses as they can hasten kidney damage in patients with pre-existing conditions.  Yes, you'd have to eat stacks of them, but I am playing cautiously in the traffic; this is my life I am talking about, not an inconvenience out of choice.
• I have to be careful not to overdo the Potassium, Phosphorous, salt, sugar and fat
• I'd never eat out socially again - balancing the needs of my body, with the transplant and the vegan lifestyle would be horrific.
• I'd be too stressed every time I went to mum's and it would be a nightmare for her
• The transplant team probably would not endorse such a change in my lifestyle at this stage.  I've gone some distance doing what I do.  Let's not rock the boat, eh?

What does that mean in terms of this entry?  Well, for the next two months I will be sticking to a broadly vegan menu.  Once I see my glucose level bottom out, then I will have evidence to stick under a doctor's nose.  However, if I eat some dairy by mistake or by design, or I'm handed a dinner that's meat based, then I will use it as an opportunity to see how my body reacts - I'm on a rather sharp learning curve at the moment.  I'm simply not going to prepare myself animal based meals, but what happens elsewhere is subject to debate.  Vegan at home, omni outside.  This is probably also a bit better as far as my concerns for animal welfare.

On the 10th July I face my MOT at Harefield.  I want my level down and steady by then.  I suspect I'll be advised to eat fish a couple of times a week (I think that will make me a Pescetarian, rather than just plain pesky), use butter over margarine and maintain eggs.  This information comes from overhearing other conversations in the hospital  - a little dangerous, granted, as we are all very different and then one always needs to factor in the transplant...but that said, if veganism is the ONLY way to keep my glucose down, then I will do it and the chooks will be chirping too.

NOTHING ON THIS PLANET 

makes me like the sound of:

 dialysis 

losing my sight

having a kidney transplant

amputation etc.

In the meantime, I am making a big fat chocolate brownie to take into Uni tomorrow.  You never know, it may the last one I eat.

April Austerity - Fallout 3

I'm definitely watching my cash now.  It's not that I was really *that frivilous with the stuff in the first place, but I am now on the equivalent of the state pension, which is paid to me by the teacher pension lot and I have a huge mortgage which is not covered by this!

So, to try and make sure the pot does not sink too fast it's now Eve vs. Tosca: in May for example, Tosca has supplied me with £220.36 worth of goods - food, toiletries, washing powder, cat litter etc etc.  I gave them £122.15.  My best shop was around £73; I paid about £25 for it. Another good one was about £50, down to £28. Huzzah.

I do this with a combination of strategies:

1. My glitch trick - next date for a good change over to new ½ price goods is 03/06.  I try not to do this *too often, I don't want them banning me ;) And if there isn't enough of what I want, I don't do it, just because I can ;p
2. Vouchers and coupons I find in free magazines, and online
3. Using these coupons against deals in the shop - for example, I use Johnsons Baby Bath, because my skin is so delicate.  It's £2.76 in Tosca.  It's currently ½ price = £1.38.  I used my three email addresses and printed off three £1.00 voucher.  I bought three bottles for 38p each!
4. I always rummage through the reduced sections and find things to freeze - seeded bread?  I haven't a hope of eating a loaf in a week, but I'd rather pay 60p for a loaf at 6pm, than £1.40 for it at 3pm.  Pick your shopping times.  
5. I ring up and moan like billio, at the slightest thing.  Last night I realised the dark chocolate has whey powder in the ingredients list on the packs I was sent.  It's not on the ingredients list on their site.  I shall ring and create havoc.  They'll send a gift card.  It was £1.20 worth of choclate, shall I aim for £5.00?
6. Because I have a Tosca credit card, I do all my shopping with it.  I earn points for everything I buy - in their shop, for their petrol and on every other purchase.  I may as well get a few more pennies back in coupons from them, for this!
7. I womble vouchers.  I've only been doing this for a few months.  I must have picked up £15 worth of free money that way.
8. I know exactly what is in my stockpile, in Narnia (cupboard that goes on forever), so I have a list of things I am targeting for special offers and the Tosca glitch.  I don't need to buy any household cleaning, or personal care items for about two years and what I have bought has all been paid for at knock-down prices.
9. I don't pay full price, if I can help it.  I'm fast coming round to the idea that ½ price is the right price and every penny after is profit.
10. I don't buy anything I don't use
11. I don't use a coupon to buy something, if it is not something I would use - just because it's a bargain, does not make it a bargain if you don't want it.  There's no point me printing off three vouchers for bisuits, if I am not eating them...

Actually, if you want to know how well this is going for me, look at these figures:

Actual shopping costs Jan-May - £872.36

Amount I have paid to Tosca -  £529.30

If Tosca goes under, I'll change my name and address.

April Austerity - Fallout 2

I really don't like cheap meat.  It's not just the taste, it's everything about the stuff.  It's not just an issue with animal welfare either.  The whole farming and food industry seems completely arse-about-face.  I do think all animals deserve a first rate quality of life, but especially so if they are ending up on our dinner plates - kindness costs little.  

Yes, I am an omnivore; I come from an Aussie family.  When mum was growing up on a farm, the animals had space, they roamed and dispatching one for dinner wasn't anywhere as inhumane as the intensive farming, shove it in a van, drive it 10hrs down the road and kill it routine that we have these days.  Slaughter on site? Would that be feasible in the UK?  or at least with in a short distance of the animal's 'home', so it doesn't have to suffer that stress and indignity.  Hmmmm.

After the animal has been dispatched, have you considered how we consume the meat?  There is no surprise that we are putting on weight and heading for a disaster zone in the UK.  The protein portion seems to have swapped places with the veg on our plates.  We used to eat predominantly veg, with a meat side.  Now you're lucky if you can see the vegetables using a microscope.  A portion of meat is the size and thickness of the palm of your hand - most omnis eat 2-3x this suggested allocation.  On my shoddy April diet, my meat intake spilled over into many, many meals, because of *that soup.  Normally, I eat meat/fish twice a week - although that's going to be harder with the whole soya/lentil/bean/dairy issue...  

So, a quick recap: bad farming, and an huge increase in protein and a drop in vegetable consumption is where we are at the moment.  Then...If you wander into any supermarket, 85% of the food on sale on there is just not food.  Ok, Ok, you can shove it in your mouth, chew on it and it'll taste great and fill a hole.  Who doesn't like a big, fat, greasy pizza?  But what is it doing to your insides?    Are you eating that, and the chocolates, crisps and cheese covered toast everyday?  Everything seems to be processed, packaged up, sent to another company, reprocessed and repacked and turned into something so alien from its original shape, colour, taste and texture that the original plant, or animal wouldn't recognise itself.  Cheese Strings?  I'm sorry, but WTF??!!  Do I eat them, or do I tie my shoes up with them?  I try very hard not to buy things in packets.  The crisps, biscuits, cakes, prepared meals etc etc are all gone - those ginger nuts with unpronounceable additives put me off.

On top of that, I am fast coming around to the idea that there is absolutely not one right diet for everyone.  I have friends who are wheat intolerant, lactose intolerant, glucose intolerant, meat averse, animal product averse, and a whole gamut of other intolerance/allergies/dislikes.  I personally can not go near grapefruit or pomegranate (no, I can't just pick bits off - what about the juice?).  I also  can't eat undercooked meat, any shellfish, undercooked egg (mayo, hollandaise sauce etc), soya (I don't tend to worry if there is a scratch of it in the packet, but don't offer me it in any bulk version (tofu, tempeh, soy, soya, miso).  I'm not supposed to eat from buffets (how long has it been sat there?), or have cold food which I have not prepared - no salads at restaurants, or at friends' houses - it's ok, I do trust you all enough to wash a lettuce leaf...and seeing as my food life is confusing enough, I tend to ignore the 'no salad' rule, based on using my eyes, knowledge of the establishment and a good old fashioned sniff-test!  I'm not supposed to have any pro-biotic stuff either.  Oh and now I remember, mushrooms only occasionally as they (like the soy) can set off gout attacks. Ouch.

So where does this leave me?  Trying to balance my wallet against the thought that I really should only be supporting organic farm produce.  I'm vaguely toying with the idea of going vegan for a couple of months - I bet most of you didn't see that coming.  It may give my body a chance to resettle the blood sugar question (there is some evidence for that).  I'm also fairly certain that the veggie/vegan friends will be rooting for the animal welfare side of things.    But then again, I am pretty certain that my transplant team will have a fit, if I decided to do this permanently.  I can't eat soya and I have to keep my consumption of 'staple' vegan foods down: beans, peas and lentils all contain Phosphorous, which can quicken my kidney damage (I only have 35% function left).  I also then have a lot of expensive cat food in the freezer (salmon!) - Harvey will be delighted :p

I think that ultimately, I'd have to keep the butter (Transplants at Harefield are not usually given margarine) for baking.  I'll probably have to have either fish or meat twice a week and I can see myself being told to maintain eggs.  However it pans out, I'd like to reduce my 'footfall' in terms of my agricultural/animal impact.

Watch this space.

April Austerity - Fallout 1

So, it's been a few weeks since I have actually written anything, largely because essays have been cramping my style at uni and also because I needed a break from talking and thinking about food all day and every day, except that I haven't had a break at all.

Things are definitely playing on my mind regarding my health. My blood sugar level has always been a bit  up and down over the last 7-8 years, but my start point every day used to be 5, it rose to 11 and then back to 5 in the morning.  It's the change to higher figures I am worried about and it was going up in April - until the monitor decided it wasn't playing ball any more.

After much kerfuffle I finally managed to sort out my blood sugar monitor and all the failing/missing components needed for regular glucose monitoring and started out agreeing with Harefield that it was far to high: first thing in the morning my fasting bloods were running between 8 and 11.  Eeep.  They'd climb and fall each day to about 15-16 and then back down to about 8-11 the following morning.  Eeep - again.

So, yes, back on the food train of thought again...oooh trains...oooh steam trains...oooh Whitby...oooh Dracula (yes, I am easily distracted): Food to Goth in four steps.  And now you have some idea of how my mind works EVERY SINGLE MINUTE I AM AWAKE (and trying to sleep).

Potatoes have often caused me issues in the past, when I have been on high dosages of steroids, so I relegated them to treat status.  My blood sugar came down a bit.  Happier.

Then I decided to look at the various sugars I have been consuming, to see if one variety was more damning than another.  It's become clear, if I eat fruit, without something with it (nuts, oats, or after a slice of seeded wholegrain toast, etc) then my level rockets back up again.  Approach fruit with caution.  I have long said fruit juice was not a healthy option.  Yes, I like nothing more than a J20 Orange and Passionfruit drink, but I think the day where I hoof one back is probably well and truly over: they contain no fat (yes, you need fat), no fibre and a truck load of sugar.  I'll eat the orange, just not drink the juice.

And then the shocker...dairy.  I started monitoring my glucose level after my teas and coffee; every time I had a cuppa my glucose gained two points.  I've been dairy free for four days now and my morning level has been under 7 on each occasion; twice hitting about 5.  Coffee and tea without milk is an easy change for me to make and I can play about with the various non-dairy milks for cooking and for throwing over cereals each morning.  No. Not soya.  I have to avoid soya.  I'm going to put dairy back in my diet in a few days, just to see if I get the expected rise.  I need to be certain.

On the plus side; rather bizarrely, on the day I scarfed down a slab of cake, a four finger kitkat and a fizzy drink, my glucose levels were a bit high, but no where nearly as high as they had been on the fruit!  Oh well, you win some and you lose some.

April Austerity - Last Leg

I still had quite a few bits and pieces left yesterday, so they all went in the slow cooker: mince turkey, a pepper, a courgette, ¾ of a red onion, the tin of red kidney beans, the jar of Everyday Value pasta sauce and some vegetable stock and mixed herbs.  I made four portions and I think it  was about 90p a portion.  With the free pasta from the Orchard Programme and left over broccoli, this was a pretty tasty dish, with plenty left over!

I needed bread and found this in Tosca.  Several days later, it's still fine in the kitchen - absolutely fine!  It does make you wonder why one loaf lasts and lasts and then another one is green and gross within a couple of days.

Anyway, tomorrow I can come off the 'diet'.  Will I?  Well, yes and no.  I am certainly going to keep my shopping costs down, but I am looking forward to having some 'nicer' extras backin my  diet.  And then there is the small matter of the Food Bank shop.  I've saved approximately £60 this month and Tosca have oblidged by sending me a £10 voucher, for a £70 spend.  Ahhhh, they must have been missing me ;p

So you know what I am going to do...I'll put my shop in full price at £70, wait for it to drop half price, add £1 delivery and then deduct the £10 voucher.  £70 for £26.  I think that will make quite a nice donation :D

April Austerity - Testing Times

I assume you know that feeling when you try to do something and nothing goes right?  Well, after the concerns that I could be diabetic, I thought I ought to get my finger-pricker kit out again.  I last had to keep an eye on my blood sugar in 2007 when I was being drip fed a truck load of steroids.  I found my monitor.  The battery was flat.  I bought the batteries; the test strips were out of date.  I bought new test strips; the insert was missing.. AARRGGHHHH.

Well, finally today, I had all the working parts together and after eating less than healthily I thought I ought to see what was going on: 5.8. That's fine.  What's happened?  I have no idea.  For the last seven years my blood sugar has been ok in the morning and then climbed steadily throughout the day, to return to the morning. So why, ¾ the way through the day is it suddenly normal?  My suspicion is that my diet has changed slightly.

I'm eating more regularly, because you have too when resources have to be counted out.  I've definitely reduced the amount of fruit that I used to eat.  My starch intake has increased, as I am eating rice, bread, or pasta with most of my meals.  My junk food consumption has dropped; well, sort of...  I made scones twice and I've eaten flapjack...then there was the Easter Egg from Carla.  Yes, that lasted 3 days.  Ooops.  I'm eating less veg.   Then, about ten days ago, the potatoes ran out (I finished my supply, they didn't charge out of the front door).  I've always been a bit suspicious that potato was my arch enemy when it came to my blood sugar.  I'll have to run a bit of an experiment, after this one is over.  

T minus four days and counting.

What if the reduced fund diet is the thing that has sorted out my blood sugar?  Hmmm, Harefield said that I'd be unlikely to make any difference to my blood sugar, because of the medication that I take. I guess I shouldn't get too excited about one reading.  I bet the monitor is faulty...

April Austerity - Lifetime Lettuce

I saw an article on good 'ol Facebook about growing lettuce without the need for mucky things like soil, digging and seeds.  Basically you shove the base of the lettuce in some water, stick it on a window ledge, change the water daily and wait for the lettuce to grow.  In keeping with the month, I thought it may be a good way to save a little bit of cash; apparently you can expect to achieve 5-6 'lettuces' from one!  This is the first one at about three days.

This is about a week into the lettuce growing experiment.  The second one has just been 'planted' today.  If this actually works, I'll be buying one of those mini plastic greenhouses for the garden and regrowing lots of lettuce, spring onions and having a go at cabbages etc!

Owing to the truckload of lettuce and milk that Tosca sent me in error, I made scones - carrot, courgette, cheese and herb.  They are rather yummy, if I may say so myself and rather economical.  I know, I should post the recipes, but I am essay writing at the moment, so this is what you're getting for now!

Dinner and lunch underneath were a lot more exciting than some of the meals I've eaten this month; with a lot of  extras I haven't had to make a choice between lettuce and cucumber, or deciding whether I save the last inch of carrot for another meal.  I wish Tosca would muck up so spectacularly more often!

Houmous wraps with carrot, lettuce, cucumber, courgette and tomato!  Nice :D

April Austerity - Tales of Tosca!

Oh Tosca, you are so inept!  I'll get back to that in a minute, but a quick update that this weeks austerity shop actually only came to £7.61 as they didn't bring the bread that I wanted, so I still have enough for some milk next week - but I won't need to buy any more of that because Tosca are total twits...

My shop this week - including stuff for next month's cupboard and the freezer - should have cost me £27.95.  It came to £21.95, because of my wombled voucher, plus a few other coupons that I had.  The delivery was 15 minutes late, so I rang and moaned - £3.50 refund.  Result.  Then just as I was unpacking the delivery driver pitched up again with some of my shopping - I didn't think anything of it, until I got everything out:

Two legs of lamb (free range - on deal + coupon:  I always get some lamb when going to see mum, as it's her favourite: that's the next two trips sorted then!)

Two pots of plain yogurt

Two lots of pate

Two lots of lettuce

Four pots of houmous 

Four lots of Philidelphia Cheese

Yes - they'd doubled up my order.  I rang them; I keep the stuff and I haven't been charged. That's £14.73 worth of free food.  Now I am waiting for my £5 vouher for spending over £20 and to see if I have any money back on their Price Promise.

So um...yes, in terms of this month, I have a truck load of milk and lettuce, two tubs of houmous and philly... I can't get anything else in my freezer and I'll be spending next to nothing next month too.  It's a shame they didn't double up on the tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, courgettes :D

My doubles - the others were already packed away.

I love Tosca!

April Austerity - Dog-tired Diary Entry

Well, what a wash out today has been, I don't just mean in terms of the weather!  I'm knackered, very stiff and rather sore and I've spent the day in bed, ignoring the April Austerity and eating what I fancied, out of the cupboard - not ideal, but hmmm..my exhaustion level overrides everything.  I am not sure what that is doing to my blood sugar; I'm waiting for the lancets to be delivered in the post.

On top of this, at the back of my mind is the fact that I have a half written essay that needs to be finished and another one that I have not even started; here I am writing this.  Never let it be said that I don't know how to delay the inevitable!  I'll be back on the austerity wagon tomorrow and hopefully also the essay one as well.

I've just put through an online shop for Tosca to deliver tomorrow evening.  I've a little over a week left now and I can't be doing with this back and forth to the shops.  Besides, if I can't get dressed, I don't think I should be going to Tosca - unless I'm just the female version of Arthur Dent looking for a decent cuppa?  

I can't begin to imagine how some people cope with 'this', when they are not well.  I do actually know a couple of other people with no-one around them, whose health is even worse than mine - well, that is kind of a given isn't it?  I have to say, this experiment terrifies me in terms of what *could be - say when my lungs fail.  Life is definitely a LOT easier when someone else brings your shopping over and you can chose to eat a carrot dipped in houmous, if you feel too tired to cook..  Mum's hopefully buying me a bar stool for my birthday, so I actually have something in the kitchen to sit upon when preparing stuff; it will certainly make days like this a bit easier.

I did spend over the £20 Tosca limit to pick up my £5 off another shop deal.  In amongst the shop is stuff like cat litter, cat treats and other bits and bobs and odds and sods for the end of the month.  For this month, there's more milk, veggies, some houmous and apples etc.  I had already spent 98p the other day getting butter to make the flapjack, so I was down to £9.25.  I think I am about £1 over budget, but I shall tot up the actual price when the goods get here.  Besides, if I hadn't actually put a shopping order in with them, they'd probably have sent round someone to see if I was ok, I've spent so little this month!

So, what have I learned this month?  

1) I really don't need to spend as much as I do on food; I could live perfectly healthily and happily on a bit less.  See point two.

2) I don't actually need a lot of the junk food that I nibble one - I nibble on it because it's nice, but I'm going to make an effort not to buy any more biscuits, or crisps.  It'll be better for me and I can bake 'healthy' versions of junk.  Actually shopping online stops me putting the junk in the trolley!

3) People don't seem to notice when I don't actually put all the sugar in my baking.  That's an interesting one, because we all like our scones and cream teas, but I've been regularly putting only ½ the amount required when baking without dried fruit and only ⅓ of the sugar required when dried fruit is added.  The flapjack and the chocolate brownies still seem to disappear just the same.

4) I don't like cheap meat and I really, really don't like how animals are kept to make sure it is cheap.  Yes, I am a meat-eater.  No, this is not going to change.  But I do think that the animals have the right to be free-range - properly free range, with shelter and with healthcare that is appropriate for their needs.  'Free-range' isn't always what it is cracked up to be.

5) I really need to get through the stuff in my freezer that I had already prepared for another day; there's about £20 worth of cheese in there too!  I can think of a couple of people who would volunteer to help me eat that lot..

6) I don't drink much (I had half a bottle of Becks on New Years Eve) yet I really have fancied a glass of cold wine almost every evening.  How odd!